A Traditional Affair
by Liris
Summary: Remy's never got on well with weddings... One-shot, humour-fic.


Hey, I'm back! I wrote this at 3am the morning before I went to Greece on holiday, so it's been sitting on my laptop for 2 weeks. It was inspired by a conversation with a friend, and it seemed funny at the time. I re-read it, and it still makes sense I think (damned nocturnal plotbunnies), so here you go :) Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own it.

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><p>If Remy was honest with himself, he'd expected the mockery. As soon as he made the announcement, he knew how his family would react.<p>

They didn't have to take it quite this far though.

Remy had a history with weddings. So, when he told his family that he had finally proposed (something Mercy and Tante Mattie had been on at him to do for a while), he knew he'd be met with some ridicule. But really, they were taking it to extremes.

"You don't need to stand so close, Henri," Remy growled, fiddling nervously with his cufflinks. He was standing at the altar waiting for his bride to appear. Henri was standing beside him, close enough that their suit jackets brushed together. Henri chuckled.

"Oui, we all agreed that I do."

"_We all_ didn't agree. You and père plotted against moi."

"Now, that's not true," Henri pouted, making Remy roll his eyes. "Mercy and Tante were in on it too."

Remy swore silently. He would have done so aloud if Tante Mattie wasn't sitting in the front pew, close enough to hear the conversation the brothers were sharing. Close enough to whack him if he cursed, as she was likely to do.

"You're all over-reacting," he complained, sighing heavily for emphasis. Henri snorted and shook his head.

"Non, we're not. You've been to deux weddings, Remy, and you didn't make it through either."

Remy growled in an attempt to shut his brother up. Henri either didn't notice or didn't care.

"When Mercy et moi got hitched, you fainted just as we said 'I do'..."

"I did _not_ faint," Remy protested through gritted teeth, twisting the cufflinks until his hands balled into fists. "It was the hottest day of the year, and Tante forced moi into a monkey suit. It was heat exhaustion."

"And when you were meant to marry Bella you didn't even make it that far," Henri continued, as though Remy hadn't spoken. There was a definite note of glee in his voice. Remy strangled the air slightly.

"Merde! Julien stabbed moi in the back; I passed out from blood loss! Or do you not remember the trois weeks you kept moi prisoner in that hospital bed?"

As expected, Tante leaned forward and whacked Remy's shin with her bag. He bit his lip to keep from swearing again. What did that woman keep in there, bricks?

"You watch your tongue, Remy. There'll be none of that sort of language in a church. Henri, stand closer; you won't be able to catch him properly from there," she scolded. Remy glowered at Henri, who was grinning widely. Tante suddenly stiffened in her seat and whispered to the brothers to straighten up. "The bride's here."

Sure enough, the doors opened and the wedding march began to play. All murmuring stopped and everyone turned to see the woman in white make her way down the aisle. Remy turned his attention to his approaching bride, and couldn't stop the sappy grin that pasted itself across his face. He still couldn't quite believe that she'd agreed to be his wife.

She reached the altar and Remy took her hand in his, lifting her veil so he could see her face clearly; her eyes especially. He loved her eyes. He smiled at him, a little nervously, but that was ok because he was nervous too. Though, part of that may have been due to his family's continued attention to his state of consciousness.

Over her shoulder, he saw Mercy (the matron of honour) mouth something to Henri. Remy scowled at her briefly. He could lip read; she'd asked if he was going to last. He didn't hold with hitting woman, but when they got out of this church he was going to beat Mercy senseless with her own bouquet.

The priest called for attention, drawing his thoughts away from his conniving family (they were having way too much fun with this) and back towards the proceedings. The vows went perfectly, much to Remy's smug pride. He shot Mercy a grin; the woman rolled her eyes but otherwise ignored him. Then, the priest said the line Remy had been most looking forward to.

"You may kiss the bride."

With a wide grin, he pulled her into his arms and pressed his lips to hers. He'd done it. He was finally married to the woman of his dreams, and he'd managed to remain conscious throughout the whole thing.

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><p>Rogue looked down at the man she'd just said 'I do' to. The silly fool had forgotten about her powers and kissed himself into a coma. She rolled her eyes and helped Henri roll him onto his back, laying his head in her lap carefully.<p>

"He won't be out long," she said, answering the unasked question. "About five minutes or so. We weren't touching that long."

She looked up at his family, who had risen as one when Remy crumpled to the ground at her feet. They all smirked back at her. She sighed, the corner of her lips twitching upwards despite herself.

"You're never going to let him forget this, are you?"

"Non," Henri, Mercy and Jean-Luc answered as one, all wearing identical evil grins. "Never."

"Who wants to bet that he'll blame his lovely wife's powers when he comes to?" Henri asked cheekily. Tante Mattie nodded sagely.

"Sure thing."

Rogue chuckled. Remy was never going to live this down.

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><p>Ok, so you probably all saw that coming, but apparently the ability to write an XMen fic without Romy is not one I possess. I hope it made you smile at least :)<br>The trip to Greece did things other than delay the posting of this fic. I have major ideas for a fic from the holiday, so expect to see that floating around the site soon.  
>Hmm, any other business? Well, if anybody wants to beta the above mentioned holiday fic for me, drop me a PM.<p>

Muchlove, see you all soon :)


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